I got to look at a gorgeous home today. A Character home. Very old. I was upset to find that it had been renovated by someone who had absolutely no clue as to the proper way renovation projects should go. It’s a shame because so often, houses with real potential are ‘renovated’ by wing nuts who don’t know what they are doing. To fix something that’s been ‘fixed’ by someone else is not so much fun.
Covering up stuff isn’t renovating!!! Spraying texture on every square foot of your walls/ceilings will NOT hide deficiencies! There is a handy device called a sander! It’s a dandy little thing for sanding drywall! Baseboards should be finished before you nail ‘em to the walls, unless you want paint/stain on your carpet and walls!
Perhaps they didn’t know that when you put down new flooring, you should probably make sure that the floor your covering up doesn’t have a gigantic heave in the center of every room. Laminate flooring looks just as bad with a giant bump in the middle.
Teleposts were placed in the basement to prevent your next dining experience from being held IN the basement b/c the floor fell down. Which is good. You don’t want your floor falling down. Teleposts, however, were a minor part of the fix, where this basement was concerned. Foundations are a pretty important part of any house, I’d say, and should probably be dealt with first before you tackle some of the other projects.
I really raised my eyebrows at the way the ceilings were finished in a few of the rooms. They were old style ceiling tiles, about 12×12. The genious who did the reno used fiberglass mesh tape (which is used for taping drywall), and ran it along all the joints, then finished it off with some hit and miss texture, so you could see the tape (mostly b/c it was sagging where the globs of spackle was too heavy).
So here are some tips I gleaned, for renovating a home, redneck style, as inspired by my experience today…
Perhaps you should be drinking when wielding the texturing machine, to ensure complete coverage of every wall and ceiling.
Everyone likes to buy a house with a fresh coat of paint right? So why not buy 43 gallons of the cheapest paint you can find (make sure it really stinks so that everyone who walks into the house will have no doubt that it was just painted) and procede to paint the entire house the same color. And if you get some roller marks on the ceiling, it will just add to the overall look and kinda bring the whole paint thing together.
When renovating a home, be aware that “Level” is extra. If the job at hand calls for ‘level’ , whether doing it yourself or hiring a contractor, make sure that a) You have a level and b) You’re not drunk. Windows and doors are a biggie and it really messes a person up when you’re gazing out the kitchen window, imagining yourself living in this home, when you suddenly realize that “Whoa. That window has a serious tilt goin’ on!” I think that’s why they invented shims. And levels. Cuz when it comes time to install the tile back splash in your kitchen, it’s even more obvious that your window is an inch higher on one end than the other.
Let’s talk about carpet. If the home you’re renovating is classified as “Character”, be sure to find some carpet that is at least as old as the house, and can be certified as either “Character” or “Antique”, and try to find it in a really obscene color that will frighten people away when they see it for the first time. (And it doesn’t matter if it’s actually installed properly–just eyeball the room, hack a chunk of carpet to size and git ‘er done. Tape is optional. Smooth edge a waste of time).
If your roof is rotten, or at the best, in poor shape, you have two options. Re-do it properly, or…not. Tin works great to just slap down over top of shingles/shakes. It’ll cover (to a degree) any nasty roof, and you can over-lap the tin and screw it down…or not.
Landscaping around your home can be fun. Especially if you make sure you heap as much dirt as you possibly can around the perimeter of the building. This will cover up any parts of the foundation you may deem as unsightly. About a foot deep should do. Makes for excellent drainage…into your basement. And should encourage some nice wood rot in record time. When you are landscaping around your front door, make sure the overall slope of your lawn is towards the house, so that when it rains, you’ll be able to collect rain water, from the comfort of your own living room.
Short cuts. That’s where it’s at these days.
People should lay off the renovation reality shows and realize they shouldn’t try to do it themselves!
And that’s my rant of the week.